Stripping off my clothes for polar bears
February 21, 2010
Fact: This snow angel extraordinaire is not me.
I’m dropping my jeans this Saturday as I cruise around Manhattan naked – for polar bears.
I’m tired of the same ol’ 5K fundraisers. Yes, these events benefit incredible causes, but I’m sick of running. Can’t we get a little more creative in our philanthropic events?
I value the zainy element of the Naked Polar Bear Cruise, and I’m always eager to support the Wildlife Conservation Society. Therefore, I will strip down to my tie-dyed bikini (Yes, I lied, and I won’t be completely naked) on February 27th.
The longer I endure the cold, the more moola I raise for the bears. My pride is at stake here too. I’m a tough girl. I will stick it out for the full hour.
For all of you New Yorkers, come out and play naked this weekend. Or spectate. Or just laugh at all of us fools as we freeze our tushies off.
If you miss the boat and want to support the vulnerable polar bears, donate a few pennies or dimes per minute that I withstand the cold. Email themathematicsofglamour@hotmail.com if interested.
Spider style or lack thereof
February 17, 2010
At least my hair was clean today. Magical curlers substituted for the baggy eyes my colleagues could not ignore under fluorescents. I allowed myself enough sleep last night, finally, and I was punished.
Dear Body of Mine,
I’m cutting out 20 minutes of sleep tonight. Maybe then you won’t swell in your pleasure. Warning: I will continue to shed minutes until you are obedient.
Love, Kira
Beyond cosmetics, I was not aware of my distasteful outfit until I hit my 10th hour. I found my uneven khaki pants and over-sized navy sweater (snagged from my Dad’s closet in 7th grade) very much present at the Toastmaster’s public speaking event. My mind, on the other hand, was barely in attendance.
I showed up to the formal meeting as a guest, clueless of the details and meeting protocol. As a first-timer, I was called upon to give an impromptu speech for one minute.
All confidence fell to my ankles as I realized that my spider socks were not only creeping into the non-Halloween month of February but also creeping up my leg and clearly visible to those surrounding me.
I don’t actively think about my appearance around other civilians. I might care what my stubbly date thinks, and I might even want to impress my friends, monthly, with some effort and accessories.
I haven’t decided if I should start caring more or less about style. How do you know if your appearance is authentic and quirky or just sloppy and disastrous? Or does it even matter?
The skinny on incest + fashion
November 27, 2009
Screenshot while reading NYTimes online
I continue to challenge myself to read The New York Times online with complete ignorance of the advertisements; however, I am weak. My eyes are drawn to the sexy images, flashy fonts, and familiar brand names.
While online, I was fully engrossed in today’s article. How could you not be intrigued by the emergence of love & marriage amongst first cousins? But my attention was yanked away by a thigh: A thigh belonging to a leg of a model in an advertisement promoting shoes for Jimmy Choo.
I couldn’t help but notice the unrealistic proportion of the model’s leg. I get the fact that skinny is apparently always in. I know there is currently a fight against our culture’s obsession with skin & bones. We are currently losing.
Regardless, I’m still irritated by two elements of this ad:
1.) If this model’s thigh truly looks like a child’s upper-arm, it’s repulsive. Someone should give this woman help instead of a paycheck.
2.) If this image was edited with Photoshop, and the model is actually a healthy thin woman, why does the fashion world still need to create this absurd falsification of a body image?
Yes, this ad was successful in that it caught my attention. Congrats. I never did return to my incestuous article, unfortunately.
More importantly to me, this ad was an absolute failure in our society’s struggle against eating disorders. Send me screen shots that irritate you.
Losing battles
November 4, 2009
My donkey drawing is failing miserably. What are your losing battles?
Shedding brushes
October 18, 2009
We live in a country graced with freedom. It’s as lovely as a Renoir flower.
But do we feel the wild surge of freedom pulsating through our days? … our thoughts? … our emotions?
When is the last time your spirit felt truly free?
My messy mop
•I feel it when I am in water: the ocean, a rainstorm, a bathtub, a chlorinated pool, a puddle.
•I feel it when I flip my baseball cap backwards. I transform into a five-year-old, and it’s play time. On mile 18 of my recent Chicago Marathon, I turned my hat backwards out of a mental necessity. The gesture reminded me that I made the choice to run 26.2 miles. I also made the choice to fully enjoy the streets of Chicago and to not quit.
•I feel it when my hair is untouched, unbrushed, and a messy disaster. I try not to use combs or brushes often. It’s odd.
Find those moments in the daily minutiae of your life. Savor it. Share it.
Fashion forward five-year-olds
September 20, 2009
While at the zoo this weekend, I noticed a stylish little girl wearing assorted animal prints. The zainy mix motivated me to juxtapose my own zebra and leopard prints. Could I be as bold as this five-year-old? It made me think…
This kindergartener wasn’t actually the daring one; one of her parents made the adventurous fashion move. Why not?
I am 100% positive that I will test out potential fashion trends on my future kids (not anytime soon). Since certain design elements intimidate me, I’ll play with fashion and dress up the future little tyke. Trends will spread via kindergarten.
If you’re in search for the next BIG thing this fall, look no more at the display windows. Hang out at the nearby playground. Just don’t be creepy.
Color on a Monday and send to me.
Fall Fashion 2009: A Plethora of Prints
September 1, 2009
The Fashion World has roared: “Prints are in.”
I was bold in junior high. I wore various printed tops to class: bright beetles and satin comic-strips. It got attention.
The chutzpah slipped away in high school, and ultimately disappeared in college. The mantra on campus was look like everyone else.
Fall 2009 Fashion is not my motivating factor. {Enter red-head and The Magic School Bus.}
Ms. Frizzle. The teacher’s fancy frocks remind me of true glamour.
Where does Ms. Frizz shop? Does she design her own clothing line? Is she on Match.com? Is her first name Fran? Lots. of. questions.
Despite my fictitious admiration for the scientist, I do realize she does not exist. But I do believe that many crafty women carry little pieces of Ms. Frizz’s splendor and philosophy as they roam the streets.
Let the Frizzle wild. Rock the rhinos.
Personality Purchases
August 29, 2009
What were your last three online purchases?
What do these items reflect about you? The investments could possibly suggest an eccentric taste in film, a secret interest in paleontology or a tea cup fetish.
My last three online purchases:
Bathtub Crayons
Book: How to Raise a Millipede
A Jump Rope of Speed
I think best in the shower, and my memory mirrors that of a fly. I need to transfer thoughts on the tile while shaving the legs.
Also, crayon messages are an excellent way to doodle friendly notes for the roommates: “We need more toilet paper … have a good day!”
I’m still waiting for a millipede. Possibly a friend or sibling will get the hint and deliver it this Christmas.
I’m preparing for a winter hibernation, and I refuse to let the cold hinder my exercise regimen. I will jump rope in my TV room. Measurements were taken, and there are a few inches of space to spare.
I shared my latest splurges. What are yours?
Crops Replace Coach Clutch
July 21, 2009
That’s right, label-lovers, Coach Clutches are officially out. The colossal bags were replaced by citrus, bananas, and kiwi as of yesteryear. Fruit is in. Originality and debranding at its best (note: scrape off the sticky label on your apple).
Divulge the healthy new you.
Eat the fruit. Or don’t. Flash the green apple around your face like it’s the latest Tiffany’s wand. You will hypnotize. More importantly, you’ll promote well-being over well-I-paid-too-much-for-this-necklace.
Summer is for color and creativity. Mix and match the crops, and take a bite out of the latest accessory.
If you spy this trend, snap a photo and send to me.
Every ankle needs a raptor
July 2, 2009
my ankle (photo credit: T. Thuks)
I relish vacation. Day 1 = Dinosaurs
“I heard that Jesus had a pet dinosaur. Evolution must be a myth then.”
-John Bacon
