NYC Beekeeper Ezra Hug

Urban beekeeping is in.

After serving as an “apprentice” to NYC beekeeper Ezra Hug last year, I am thrilled to manage my first hive this spring.  Interested?  Take a course with The NYC Beekeepers Association.

The NYCBA is offering a course in 2011 for the absolute beginner and novice beekeeper.  This course is 12 hours long, spread out over four Sundays, AND it offers an apiary visit in April.  The NYCBA volunteer instructors are professional beekeepers with a collective half century of buzz-worthy experience.  The fee is $150.00 for the entire course which includes the following:

* construction of a bee hive
* safe hive placement
* general maintenance
* troubleshooting in the hive
* processes and lifecycle within the colony
* diseases and treatments

Beyond the fact that beekeeping is a HUGE conversation-starter (great for first dates + business interviews), you will also learn how to invigorate your vegetables while contributing to the environment and ensuring yourself as much as 120 lbs of pure raw honey per year per hive.  Yum.

This course teaches everything you need to know to start or continue your fascinating love story with the bees.  Learn about this fulfilling and rewarding hobby.  Become a beekeeper.  It is easier than you may think, and more intriguing that you might imagine.

I’d love to hear from you if you take the course!

Fact: This snow angel extraordinaire is not me.

I’m dropping my jeans this Saturday as I cruise around Manhattan naked – for polar bears.

I’m tired of the same ol’ 5K fundraisers.  Yes, these events benefit incredible causes, but I’m sick of running.  Can’t we get a little more creative in our philanthropic events?

I value the zainy element of the Naked Polar Bear Cruise, and I’m always eager to support the Wildlife Conservation Society.  Therefore, I will strip down to my tie-dyed bikini (Yes, I lied, and I won’t be completely naked) on February 27th.

The longer I endure the cold, the more moola I raise for the bears.  My pride is at stake here too.  I’m a tough girl.  I will stick it out for the full hour.

For all of you New Yorkers, come out and play naked this weekend.  Or spectate.  Or just laugh at all of us fools as we freeze our tushies off.

If you miss the boat and want to support the vulnerable polar bears, donate a few pennies or dimes per minute that I withstand the cold.  Email themathematicsofglamour@hotmail.com if interested.

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Once upon a time, a village of tree snails slimed their way around Tahiti.  Life was slippery, but satisfying.  

Introduce potential villain(s): 

A cluster of homo sapiens came up with a plan to get rid of the overpopulated, obnoxious giant African land snails in the Pacific Islands.  

Plan:

The smooth-moving rosy wolfsnail (my favorite mollusk) was dropped off in the Pacific Islands with the high hope of decreasing the massive amounts of giant African snails. As a cannibal, the rosy wolfsnail quickly got to work.  

But the silly homo sapiens did not inform the cannibalistic snails of the mission’s finer details.  

Ending:

Instead of eating the annoying African snails, the cannibals ate the smaller tree snails, Partula taeniata.  The Partula taeniata, that once florished in Tahiti, are now listed as critically endangered on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species.

Is there a lesson in this fairy tale?  Stay away from cannibals? 

Heed the lead of the vampire bat, and play nice with your neighbor.  Tit for tat.

In bat world, if one guy doesn’t snack on a bloody meal every two nights, he will need a kiss from a friend or face death.

Bats are probably more altruistic than some of us.  A donor bat will help his hungry buddy and share some dinner (blood) through a succulent smooch. When a group of vampire bats keep each other alive, the whole colony is more likely to survive.  No need for greed.

Selfish souls will not stumble upon success.

Lesson:  Share your toys & snacks with friends and foes (if they are in your Facebook network). Give lots of kisses.  Help the needy.

Want to be a baby’s mama?  … for a bat?  Sponsor one.

This is why I fancy the okapi:

1.) Cotton swabs are for the weak.  Okapis clean their eyelids and ears with their bristly blue tongue.  Try the okapi way.
2.) This species is closely related to the giraffe despite the familiar zebra design.  And I love some stripes.
3.)  I respect a mammal that doesn’t follow the crowd.  Okapis prefer the solitary life.  I could use more seclusion myself.  Too many New Yorkers.